The Judge says in the order (paraphrasing) that she is uncomfortable not knowing when I will die. This is part of her reasoning for removing the children from their home.
Did you know that 1 in 4 Americans have been diagnosed with asthma?
Did you know that 11 people die every day from asthma in the U.S.?
Clearly, the Judge is not following logic to determine this order. None of us has a crystal ball. This Judge wants to play God and is uncomfortable that she feels not in control in this situation.
I presented a solid case and had 9 witnesses testify on my behalf, besides myself. 6 of the 9 live in Durham or a 10 minute drive from where the children and I live. These wonderful people are a solid support system who love my children.
The Plaintiff could not get a single friend or relative (not even his mother) to testify in court for him. He did not present any evidence of a support system in the Chicago area. He could get hit by a car and my children would have no one to care for them in the Chicago area and would end up in Child Protective Services. Without a support system in Chicago, my children are at risk for neglect in their father's care.
This ruling must be overturned.
Any one of us is at risk of losing our children at the capricious whim of a judge.
Did you know that 1 in 4 Americans have been diagnosed with asthma?
Did you know that 11 people die every day from asthma in the U.S.?
Clearly, the Judge is not following logic to determine this order. None of us has a crystal ball. This Judge wants to play God and is uncomfortable that she feels not in control in this situation.
I presented a solid case and had 9 witnesses testify on my behalf, besides myself. 6 of the 9 live in Durham or a 10 minute drive from where the children and I live. These wonderful people are a solid support system who love my children.
The Plaintiff could not get a single friend or relative (not even his mother) to testify in court for him. He did not present any evidence of a support system in the Chicago area. He could get hit by a car and my children would have no one to care for them in the Chicago area and would end up in Child Protective Services. Without a support system in Chicago, my children are at risk for neglect in their father's care.
This ruling must be overturned.
Any one of us is at risk of losing our children at the capricious whim of a judge.
We see a lot of judicial misconduct here in Arizaona, bias and rotten judgements. I hope you are submitting a move to vacate the order and emergency restraining orders and such. I hope you are going to appeal and that it is speedy and successful. Your children deserve to be with you whether or not the judge thinks you are dying. They deserve to be able to love you in person while you are sick or healthy.
ReplyDeleteONe last thing... anyone that was in that courtroom should fill out a judicial complaint to try to get the judge removed. Law should not be based on the insupportableness of the judge - she should be able to site law not feelings.
I don't know if a governor can override a judicial decision - i think a governor can make laws or do emergency step in's .... does your governor have a facebook page????
I wish you well and pray for a miracle.
Alrady, thank you for your comment. I am sorry to hear of the judicial misconduct in your state. Sadly, I am hearing similar stories from folks in many states. For now, I plan to pursue in good faith the avenues available in hopes that our system of checks and balances is efficient and effective.
ReplyDeleteYou raise many great points and make helpful suggestions. Thank you for that.
The reason that I started this blog was to create awareness but also because I need help.
I have no experience with Family Law except for the past 16 months dealing with this case. I have no real idea what to do but for the suggestions of the wonderful people that I knew or that I have met through this experience.
I need an attorney who will help me with this case pro bono. I was out-lawyered. I did not have the tens of thousands of dollars to pay an attorney that the Plaintiff spent and continues to spend. This disparity of resources is the reason that most men who sue for custody end up with custody, at the expense of the best interest of the children.
I will look into your points and suggestions.
All good things,
Alaina
Alaina,
ReplyDeleteI also have Stage IV Breast Cancer (Inflammatory Breast Cancer), first diagnosed late Dec. 2007/early Jan. 2008. I've had a recurrence of it since Nov. 2010 (after almost 2 years of remission).
I have a 9 year old son, and your story really hit a chord with me. I want to know if there is ANYTHING I can do to help. I plan to write about your story on my blog (http://justenjoyhim.wordpress.com) as soon as I can think of something other than swear words about the judge's ruling.
I also think that you could easily get some financial help with your legal bills; I know I'd be willing to donate what I could.
I'm so glad your story has gone national, but of course not glad that you're going through this.
I will keep you and your children in my thoughts and prayers, and please let me know if I can help in any way.
Judy
i hope you prevail.
ReplyDeletePraying for you! As a mom living with chronic illness, your story has left me outraged and feeling vulnerable. How dare a judge use your illness against you? I am posting about your story on my blog and will pray that your case continues to get the exposure it needs to be overturned! Stay well!
ReplyDeleteAlaina,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you and your children and I am wracking my brain trying to think of suggestions for actions or steps you can take to right this wrong. To say that I am outraged is an understatement. I simply do not understand this judge's logic (or lack thereof); particularly when I compare to my own custody battle. A psychologist recommended my children live with their dad too, who is unemployed and has had a series of issues involving drugs and road rage. None of that seemed to matter in the courts though because it was in the past. Yet in your situation, your judge felt the children should not be with you because you have a cancer diagnosis and are not working. Crazy!
I think you should know that I've been 'pimping' your fb page and the judge's email address, asking people to speak out on your behalf.
Regardless of the outcome of your case (which I hope you prevail, of course!) I think it will be the catalyst for some level of reform of the family courts. At least... it's my hope that it will. In nearly every state, the Family Court serves itself before the children. There is undoubtedly corruption.
I encourage you to seek out non-custodial mom groups and can personally recommend a couple I belong to. There are some amazing knowledgeable women there. Collectively, a wealth of resources.
Sorry this is so long... I'm just angry and want to help in whatever way I can.
i aplaud you alaina.
ReplyDeleteyou are actively improving the system.
i could easily be in your predicament.
i was diagnosed terminal 5 years ago.
luckily herceptin has me in remission.
your eloquent truth illuminates a dark
reality in our adversarial legal system
Is there not something in the United Nations human rights declarations on parents rights that may help your case? I am just sick about this! I cannot bear that this has happened to you. I had no children and an earlier stage diagnosis but this was an issue that came up in 1990. Do you not have a right to be treated with dignity and have the support for yourself and children so you can be together?
ReplyDeleteMy dear Alaina,
ReplyDeleteI just read of your case in a British newspaper and I am appalled. For what little comfort it may offer, you have my heartfelt best wishes and prayers that this can be resolved in both you and your children's interests.
I will post this story to my facebook profile in the hope we can find support.
First I want to say I hope you recover. I have lost loved ones to cancer.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as a father I find it troubling that women typically could give a damn about the father's relationship with the kids after a divorce outside of child support. Women typically could care less when a father loses his kids. But when a women loses hers' it's a national tragedy. I have yet to see an outcry for the rights of fathers. I was successful in my custody battle, I chose to pay for a top attorney, tirelessly research the laws, and stay 25 steps ahead. I actually got some of my best information on divorce strategy from divorce books written for WOMEN. Some of those books were very cold hearted in nature. I used some of those tactics as well. I acted normal until it was time to exit was the biggie. I now have 50% legal and physical custody and I have him 50% of the time. No child support, I don't need someone else to manage my resources for me. I also have a geographic restriction in place as well. She can move to Pakistan but the kid stays in the county. I was not losing my son just because men usually are at an extreme disadvantage in family court. I would really love to see some women support men that are fathers. I had to take pics of my apartment to prove I had a place for my son. No such requirement was made on the mother. I now own my own home so my boy can have a yard.
I hear your story but your story is the norm for men so I'm probably not as sympathetic as most posters here. Being unemployed is a deathblow. I also think that the case of the father of your kids' may be based on a little revenge based on the original custody agreement at the divorce. What I love about female attorneys and judges are that they typically don't give women a free pass these days. They have worked VERY hard in their careers, so they don't let other women get away with being lazy or less than resourceful. My attorney was female. Were you not offered an option to go to Chicago? There are people in Chicago with cancer being treated too. So don't use that as an argument. I'm sure your doctor can refer you to a doctor who is just as capable as he or she is. Get on a plane for a couple hours and all FOUR of you can figure this out.
Just sharing some thoughts/suggestions with you as your story affected me. God forbid if something happened to you, do you support your child in the care of your ex? If so, perhaps you could offer the Court suggestions on how to build that relationship while you are ill. That doesn't mean you have to give up your child. As an example, if you were married or had another responsible adult caring for your child perhaps the Judge would have an alternative course of action? I've been involved with the Court system and found that they typically do have to react to suggestions and/or compromise plans. I feel for you in this situation. I think your best chances are to offer the Judge options as to how your child will be cared for. If your goal is to spend time with your child AND the Court's goal is to ensure your child has a caring parent going forward, it sounds like compromise is in order. You could provide another responsible adult to care for the child while you deal with your illness, but also offer suggestions as to who would care for the child should something happen to you, along with ways on how you'll help build that relationship now. As you have custody, the Court would have to entertain your suggestions. Never give up on making suggestions as it allows the Judge a way out. It doesn't have to be an either you have them or you don't situation. Good luck in dealing with your illness and the well-being of your child.
ReplyDelete