No kids? Never been married?
How does a woman with no kids and who has never been married become a Judge in Family Court???!!!
From some of the things that she wrote in the order, it is clear that she has no insight into motherhood, marriage or an intimate partner relationship.
Any parent knows that parenting requires on-the-job training. Just like, any married person knows that marriage is not a fairy tale and takes work and dedication even under the best circumstances.
Parenthood is hard. Anyone who says it is easy...well, isn't doing it right.
Parents learn from experience and trial-and-error. We can read books and research, many which give conflicting information, but at the end of the day it is not a one-size fits all method or process. Each child, each experience, each day we as parents must roll with the punches and be ready for the unexpected.
This judge is trying to use theory to make decisions upon which she has no practical experience.
This is very dangerous.
A Mother Would Know Better than to rip happy, well-adjusted children from their mother who has been their primary caregiver since conception and send them to a father who was a weekend dad at best.
Every Child Deserves Better Than a Judge With No Parenting Experience
Well, as a single woman with no children, I take issue with this...because I think I would have the good sense to not do that and would hope that I could judge the law adequately and fairly no matter who it was about.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I won't begrudge you hating her--though not all single kidless people are that bad! I am a fellow Dickinson alum, and I really hope that you overcome both this ridiculous ruling and the cancer! My prayers are with you!
Christine, thank you for your comment. Your comment brings up a fundamental point that I have been wanting to address.
ReplyDeleteYou are exactly right that most people, whether single, married, in a relationship, parent or not a parent would have known better than to rule to move the children, as they would know that in this case moving the children is not in their best interest.
There is certainly MUCH more of a problem with how this ruling was determined than what I have mentioned in this post. That any person would consider making a diagnosis of any physical illness a factor in determining child custody is abhorrent. There is a much deeper problem here than that this judge does not have children and has not experienced marriage. A problem of lack of insight and lack of empathy.
I do not hate this judge. However, this ruling impassions me to do the right thing by my children and by the interests of humanity.
Thank you for your support.
All good things,
Alaina
I'm with Christine on this one. This judge is just plain idiotic. I don't think it has much to do with her family situation (or lack thereof). I'm a mother and wife, but I think that I would have had sense enough when I was single not to make such a ridiculous ruling. I wish you the best of luck with this and honestly, I don't know your ex or anything about him, but it sounds like he is a real douche bag for not letting you keep your kids and going through with this. You guys are in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteHi Alaina,
ReplyDeleteTo say this is abhorrent is an understatement. Having said that, forget the ridiculous judge for a minute and let's just focus on a parent who would even CONSIDER ripping their children away from their mother during a time when they most need to be near her - and for a JOB, no less. That critical lapse in judgment (not to mention parental love, compassion and concern for the children's long-term emotional well being) should be enough proof for any judge that he is an unfit parent. Clearly he is doing what is convenient for him. And, to anyone reading this who may jump at the chance to shout, "But the economy is so bad that he probably HAS NO CHOICE but to move to another state for a job," - there is ALWAYS a choice. Being a parent means sometimes making really, really tough decisions - including sacrificing a higher-paying, comfortable life to work at McDonald's, if necessary, to ensure that your kids' don't have to spend a lifetime saddled with guilt, regret and resentment (which these kids will, if this judgment stands and they're taken away from their mother). The very fact that the father either a) doesn't get this or b) isn't willing to make that sacrifice is evidence of his lack of maturity and ability to make his children the priority in his life (as any good parent would).
I apologize for the proselytizing, but injustice can only take place when no one speaks out against it. Please know, Alaina, that you and your babies are not alone in this and during those moments when you're too spent to shout, there are plenty of us standing behind you who will shout for you.
I just typed a lengthy comment, and blogger ate it. Eesh.
ReplyDeleteAs a single, no children, woman - I have to say that what was needed here was simple human understanding and compassion, not womb-use. Having not had children yourself is no excuse for not having some basic human understanding and compassion.
If their "father" were really that concerned for their well-being, he could have made arrangements to find a way for him to be near them, instead of uprooting them. Obviously this isn't really about their well-being, it's about him being a control freak and using the situation to his own advantage -- otherwise he'd be truly taking their well-being into account, and he's not. No matter how many people tell the kids it's not their fault, they will always feel as though they abandoned their mother if taken away. It's just the nature of children to blame themselves for everything. They always think they have more power/control than they do, and they give themselves less slack than they should on things out of their control. They're being set up for some serious shrink bills as adults. What their "father" is doing here is just plain abusive, and that moron of a "judge" is enabling him. Shame on both of them.
Also, you should set up a paypal account to take donations toward your legal costs. Even if you find a good lawyer who'll work with you pro bono, you will still likely have to cover court filing costs, etc.
Good luck to you, and your children.
Alaina,
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. I lost my chidren, as well, on Monday. I was hospitalized from a bacterial illness/blood clots when my soon to be ex-husband cut off ALL contact with my 18 month old and 3 year old children for 9 weeks.
I had primary custody, (he should have been cited for contempt), but I walked out as a non-custodial parent.
I also had a female judge, with NO children, in Indianapolis, Indiana. I was Pro Se due to the financial implications of divorce/illness.
What the hell is going on with the rights of our children to have a loving, nuturing Mother in this nation, regardless of an illness? Not only is it in an injustice, but discrimination.
Time is precious and IT SHOULD be on your side. Keep fighting, not all is lost. This speaks volumes about the unfair injustice in our legal system. Your voice is being heard.
As a family lawyer in Ohio I sympathize, but I think it would be helpful if you published the court decision. I am very curious as to what this judge actually said. If this decision is as bad as it appears you should put it all over the Internet so everyone can see.
ReplyDeleteUm, whoa, there, wait a second. I've donated to your fund and signed the petition. I'm a married mom of a 3-year-old and this particular post is way out of line. I think it only hurts your cause and it's in your best interest to take it down. Do not go attacking a judge. If you have a lawyer, I would start running all posts by her/him.
ReplyDeletewww.wral.com/asset/news/local/2011/06/01/9672149/custody_order.PDF
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ReplyDelete